This journal will be friends only but feel free to comment here to be added! I'll add just about anyone whom I don't know in real life.

**please keep yourself safe. Some of the things I write are triggering. The following are my filters and if you would like to be on one of them in specific, or not be on one of them in specifically, please let me know. If you don't mind me writing constantly about my eating disorder, or as I am going to start doing, Judaism, literature, school, writing, etc...then you can be in all filters!

Filters:
--Eating Disorder/Mental Health
--Literature
--Writing
--Judaism
--College

And some of these might overlap at times with different posts...I don't want to be too complicated but some people don't want to read about my eating disorder and I write about that ALL the time. I'll post more infrequently (aka not multiple times a day) for everything else :)

Stupid photo won't load never mind

was freezing in the office, like, shaking and cold. checked the thermostat. It's 70 fucking degrees.

Either the heater's broken (possible) or I'm not as great as I thought I was. Sitting in the office with my jacket on and my glasses on looking angry, anorexic, and dorky.

My life is a shitshow. I realize this. Why can't I get it under control?

  "In the middle of winter, I found within me an invincible summer."
-Albert Camus

Lies, damned lies, and statistics. (Disraeli)

I'm starting to feel like Disraeli was right, and that he knew about eating disorders. We start with a lie, it becomes a damned lie, and then we're a statistic. I feel like I'm stuck on the "and" in that quote. I am maintaining weight, for now, muscle gain from working out so much. 

I haven't worked out in two days, and have no time to work out today (have to leave in an hour, can't be smelly for this event for my English Dept tonight), so that makes it three days in a row. Tuesday was me trying to be good, last night was because I was so exhausted I couldn't even hold my book up to read on the couch and The Boy Who Is Not My Boy read my reading aloud to me so that I could just be curled up, and today is because of a lack of time. I'm still at this intolerable weight, but I am pretty sure it's not because of bloating or anything. My stomach is smooth and flat, unless I eat which results in the typical reaction of bloating (fuck you, IBS/Crohn's/Celiac's). I am crooked, which is driving me up the fucking wall, and even if I don't *look* the weight, I look just as I did 5lbs ago, I am really struggling with the numbers.

I'm so ... frustrated, and fat, and sad, and irritated at everyone around me, and...meh.

I am on my iPod so I won't update completely ntil tmrw but I am curios


What are your resolutions for the new year?


Please everyone, respond, even if you never comment. I am leaving this public too and anonymous comments allowed!